I just recently read an article http://www.forbes.com/sites/jenniferleggio/2012/01/09/traveling-red-dress-movement-proves-social-media-foundation-is-still-people-empowerment/ which reminded me that we sometimes need to make sure we do things for ourselves.
Over the last few months I have been trying to force myself to be happy. Keep smiling, fake it 'till you make it, nobody likes a Debby Downer, there is always someone else who has it worse off than you do. I started the gratitude journal to keep my mind focused on the positive. Ah my mind... what a relationship we have! Bombarding me daily with thoughts of what I need to do - pushing for more and more constantly until I am not sure which is up or down. And then, when I am teetering because I have overbooked myself yet again - the doubt creeps in, the judgement, the abuse. Ah yes, the longest abusive relationship I've allowed in my life is the one with myself.
All is not lost though, there are moments of genuine radiant joy. Moments where happiness pours out of every molecule of my being. My Red Dress moments. This is my Journey - to find more Red Dress moments, to find more moments of pure unadulterated joy, to quite the mind that pushes and pushes and then condemns, to nurture the voice in my heart that encourages, that loves, that finds happiness.
My road is dark and twisted and scarred, and full of ruts where I've paced back and forth afraid to go through the darkness - content to sit scared in the mess because facing the pain could kill me.
And now, day by day I will walk through this, and the goal is to come out the other side with a brand new outlook on me and my life!
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