To Escape

Your scent still swirling around my every turn
Your sweat moistening my skin
The warmth of your body radiating heat over my skin
Your legs entagled with mine
Each clinging to escape pain from the past
Head pressing heavier as you drift off
So quickly into slumber
Peacefully wrapped in sleep
Safe Again
From the torment of our waking thoughts
With you draped over me like a favorite blanket
Sleep is so much deeper - an hour
And I'm rested
Looking at you snoring so sweetly and I am so overcome with the desire
To keep your peace through your waking hours - A cup of tea? A glass of water? A few more moments to sleep...
And then we are back to the pattern of the week, alarms and work and people needing our attention
And I am so thankful to slip back
Into the daydream
Where we are asleep again

Find Your Red Dress

I just recently read an article http://www.forbes.com/sites/jenniferleggio/2012/01/09/traveling-red-dress-movement-proves-social-media-foundation-is-still-people-empowerment/ which reminded me that we sometimes need to make sure we do things for ourselves.

Over the last few months I have been trying to force myself to be happy. Keep smiling, fake it 'till you make it, nobody likes a Debby Downer, there is always someone else who has it worse off than you do. I started the gratitude journal to keep my mind focused on the positive. Ah my mind... what a relationship we have! Bombarding me daily with thoughts of what I need to do - pushing for more and more constantly until I am not sure which is up or down. And then, when I am teetering because I have overbooked myself yet again - the doubt creeps in, the judgement, the abuse. Ah yes, the longest abusive relationship I've allowed in my life is the one with myself.

All is not lost though, there are moments of genuine radiant joy. Moments where happiness pours out of every molecule of my being. My Red Dress moments. This is my Journey - to find more Red Dress moments, to find more moments of pure unadulterated joy, to quite the mind that pushes and pushes and then condemns, to nurture the voice in my heart that encourages, that loves, that finds happiness.

My road is dark and twisted and scarred, and full of ruts where I've paced back and forth afraid to go through the darkness - content to sit scared in the mess because facing the pain could kill me.

And now, day by day I will walk through this, and the goal is to come out the other side with a brand new outlook on me and my life!

If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. It will change your life mightily. ~Gerald Good

Isn't that the case? Whenever I start comparing myself with the Jones' I end up throwing a mighty pity party indeed. I have found the best cure for this, is to start looking around at what I do have - healthy family, a good job, food in the pantry, and some pretty amazing friends. When I focus on the things that I do have my heart fills so mightily! Unfortunately, I tend to get complacent and forget to be thankful of what I do have and start back down the path of what if's. Part of the reason I wanted to make sure that 2012 was the year of gratitude is so that I can remind myself daily how much I have to be thankful for... Every. Single. Day.
I hope that you are all able to find a little more thankfulness in your days!

Untitled - Poem

And I give and give and give

Until I am no longer me

just pieces of you and

pieces of who you think I should be

I look in the mirror

who will I be today

will she still be loving

will she find her way

Will my heart break again

will I find a way

Will I try “too hard”

Will my soul continue to pay

Deeper and deeper I spiral

Into this remembered abyss

until the pitch wraps around me

An evoked bliss

And each of the pieces

From so so many

Try to make sense together

And get lost within me

I sink back into the black

My familiar chasm

The heartbreak my blanket

whatever may come

And still I continue on

Giving all that I can

For one glimmer of light

To bring me back to land

Riding the crashing waves

Lost at sea

Searching for the lighthouse

Built inside of me

~Michele 9/15/2011

Bring You Back - Poem

If I could bring you back

even for one day

I’d fly up to heaven

to show you the way

Back down to those who miss you

to those of us who still ask why

For an extra moment or two

I would certainly try

There is still an ache I my heart

though tears are not always shed

I still wonder why we had to part

all these years later, still confused instead

You were the essence of light

You were the spirit of love

You taught me humility and delight

You healed me with your hug

And I know one day we’ll meet again

I just hope I have made you proud

And we will shout, “All are welcome, friend”

High above on our little cloud

~Michele Miranda 8/23/2011

Untitled - Poem

If I could take away

even one moment of your pain

If I could carry your saddest days

only warmth would remain

To wrap you up tight

with a blanket of love

To surround you in light

and blessings from angels above

I would shoulder your burden

I would bear your grief

I would send you a garden

I would provide you relief

I will always be there

though you would never ask

I’ll be right next to you, anywhere

our friendship will always last

And when you may stumble

and if you may fall

I won’t let you crumble

I’ll help you stand tall

~Michele 8/23/2011

Gemini - Poem

Destined to be an enigma

always split between two worlds

Two sides of the same coin

love and madness swirled

You came in and calmed my soul

a bond that surprised more then you know

Feels like I’ve known you

another day from a long time ago

Took my hand

smoothed my edges with your voice

Unplanned

shut out all the noise

Always a duality

high and low

Spinning chaos in control

fast and slow

You are an ethereal light

beckoning all to draw near

Love in your own right

and still I fear

You chip away at my brick and mortar

through the Lath and Plaster

I’ve always been trouble and wonder

always a beautiful disaster

My darling friend

I’ve followed you down the rabbit hole

On a road I can’t comprehend

out the window with self-control

Life is not the destination

learning through the journey

trial by ice and fire

calm seas, and winds gusty

And still I stand before the world

Pollux and Castor

Along for the trip

a little girl, dancer

Take my hand, hold my heart

stay near as I timidly travel

Following, watchful eye on the north star

as the path along starts to unravel

Love me through my back and forth

help me hold on

Watch me see through child-like eyes

the beginning of a new dawn

~Michele 7/29/2011

Little Girl, You've Found Your Way Home - Poem

Little Girl you've found your way home

Through the nightmares and torture, you've left untold

Little Girl you've found your way back

Though you were beaten, unloved, left off track

You rise through the ashes, take each burning step

Your soul has been cleansed by the tears that you wept

And though your journey is far from done

You've turned your face out toward the sun

Each step you take brings strength to your heart

Each new friend you make, a shining new start

Welcome back to love, Little Girl, welcome back to life

Welcome back to you, welcome back to the light

Each choice that you make to empower, to heal your soul

These Angels encouraging the journey to make you whole

Will keep leading you down this lighted path

Don't look around to the past aftermath

Keep looking forward to the future so bright

And always sing your love song each night

No longer fearing your future unknown

Welcome, Little Girl, you've found your way home

~By Michele Miranda 06/01/2011

OverThinking - Poem

Thinking thinking thinking heart beating losing hours staring at pictures of you

I keep wondering what is the meaning why can’t I come up with something new

Dreaming dreaming dreaming of a caress you don’t even know I am your fool

Looking for the right words to impress please think I am so chic so cool

Waiting waiting waiting slow down breath one smile sends me reeling

Your eyes capture my depth do you really see me

Sensing sensing sensing you’re more in your eyes lies a pain

I wonder if you opened that door would it ever be the same

Reading reading reading between the lines listening for what you might say

You don’t even know that your fire shines each step you light the way

Considering considering considering the words wondering if you ever do the same

Each though flying in colliding blurs infatuation driving me insane 

10/28/2010 - MM

2012 The year of Gratitude

As 2011 has come to a close and I have had time to ponder this passing year of my existence, I noticed that I was quicker to focus on the stress of life. I noticed that I stopped being grateful and I will be focusing 2012 on my gratitude.

Part of the way I will remind myself to blog daily is to write a daily gratitude post. Today I will include two as yesterday I was knocked on my behind with a massive migraine.

Surprisingly, there was much to be grateful about that migraine. My husband lovingly teaching our kiddo to ride her motorcycle outside so I could crash on the couch. Good location, I am aware, to take up the main room in the house when you need dark and quiet - but the loves of my life kept me pretty comfortable. I am grateful that my beautiful daughter wanted to comfort me, and that when I threw up - she kept telling me that it was ok... What a wonderful caring child we have!

Today I am grateful that I woke up with only a dull throbbing in my head. I survived the migraine without needing to get any shots - because that just makes my skin crawl. I am grateful that my husband is able to spend another day at home with our daughter and that they were able to take my parents out for breakfast this morning. They have been such a big help to us since we've moved here almost 5 years ago and I can't imagine how we would have made it through the lean times with out them.

My wish for everyone is health and happiness, and the ability to recognize all the good surrounding us.